Quarter Life Crisis - Girl in the Black Hijab

We have received an article from an anonymous writer who calls herself 'Girl in the Black Hijab.' Keep an eye out for her work in the magazine.

So you've done as society had hoped and completed your education. You've saved yourself for that special somebody because that's what your community and religion dictates. You have no issue having done so because the hikmah behind the ruling is blatant, but you're nearing 24 and thus far, male attention has been non-existent. 

You begin to question yourself, am I doing something wrong? You know you're far from undesirable, but why hasn't anybody come along? Well, that's not entirely true as there have been a few, but they don't meet your criteria, they don't count and just won't do! Your friends and family say you're being unreasonable, unrealistic and just plain rude; but you refuse to reduce your standards for just any Somali dude. Speaking of plain, that's your most notable trait, but maybe you should make a little more effort to attract a suitable mate. You invest in some MAC and Bobbi Brown, hoping this facade will turn your fate around; but you realise half way, this just isn't you. Plus why should I adopt the dewy look to land a tick in somebody's book. Society says as the woman you should remain passive in the courting process. Be patient and with time, you will be found amongst the masses. And until now, you believed this also, but a quarter century later and you're still awaiting your Romeo.  

You tilt your head facing the mirror to admire your size 10 figure; the problem is definitely not with you girl, it must be the fellas. If the issue isn't the exterior, then it must be your personality. So you sit down and evaluate all your innate qualities. You come to the conclusion that you're a pretty decent human being, but then why is the ratio of women to men in your life dozens upon dozens to nil? 

You open up your calendar and estimate the days until your birthday, am I really going to be 24 with no heartbreak to show for it? You slouch your shoulders, ashamed at the thought that just crossed your mind. How blessed are you to not have been tested with such a taxing trial? Wake up woman, you were blessed to have not been that girl gambling her friendships for a guy or risking the most sacred relationship on this earth for a fling in disguise. The girls who have been through such tests long to be you, naive and innocent of the wrongs a man can do. There's nothing and everything wrong with you, because man was created imperfect; and in spite of all your efforts. Finding Mr Right really isn't in your power, but rather ‘He’ who created the stars and the long awaited hour.  So devote your energy to making Duaa, and self-improvement then in time, if written - with your other half by your side, you'll realise that feelings of inadequacy was simply the devil playing with your mind. 

By Girl in the Black Hijab


  1. Hi,

    I really don’t know where to begin. What you’ve written really struck a chord with me. I feel as if I’ve known you all my life. I can relate to your struggle.

    Through a computer screen, you’ve summed up why I now dread birthdays. I’ve even gone a step ahead, and signed up to an Internet dating website. Before rapidly realising that not only have I given up hope in myself but also God.

    But this response isn’t to tell you falsely that things will be okay. Because doing so, would be telling you a lie. However, what I can truthfully say is that through the hardships come relief. Through the despair, comes salvation. I would like to share a verse with you, which holds a special place in my heart. In surah Baqarah, verse 286 says;

    “Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned”.

    Now, I am not someone who would consider himself religious, but that verse gives me hope. Shattering through the satan-induced notion of “I am a good person I don’t deserve it”. That verse allows me to accept what happening and move on. Afterall, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. There is personal growth in every mistake and every right-doing. Life is peculiar in that, it is entirely experimental. There is no strict guide out there on how to live life. Hence, mistakes and short-comings are a part of life as much as victories and accomplishments are.

    Life is predestined, everything is planned. And this is a concept that really confused me as a kid. Being a lazy since nee-high, I always thought if life was pre-destined why do I need to work hard or why do I even need to bother at all? Yes, indeed everything is planned. But how we respond is a different matter in itself.

    Sparing you the long essay, I want to say that you are a beautiful person. I notice you. I see you. I am a complete stranger, who through the medium of the Internet, thinks of you as a friend. You are blossoming and it won’t too long till spring is here and you’ll have butterflies in your stomach because someone will consume your love unsparingly.

    I would like to recommend, possibly my favourite book of all-time, A Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl. As I am sure this book will eloquently put it, do not lose hope. It is the only thing worth value in this world.

    This will be your year, young butterfly.

  2. I'm turning 24 soon and I feel you on so many different levels.


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